Why being sick is much worse than being hung over...

Well, it's simple really. When your hung over, at worst the residual effects last two days (and by that point, merely an occasional reality lag). When your sick, who the fuck knows - could be a day, could be a week. If you live in a shitty cold place like here, it could take a month to recuperate, much less to prepare for the next round. Come on superhuman immune system!

Stick Figure Theater Presents: Work Sucks (part 1)

(Admittedly this is old work, but unfortunately I don't get much better than this. Part 2 to follow shortly.)

13 reasons I need to see the Friday remake

(in somewhat of a particular order)
13) I have to find out whether Marcus Nispel fucked it up like he did when he directed the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake.
12) It sounds as though the the first 3 movies are rolled into one - and I want to see if Shelly's character returns as well.
11) I bet they won't be cool enough to bring back the 'you're doomed' guy (even though he's probably a hundred fifteen by now)
10) It may be refreshing to see a fast Jason, not just a teleportational one.
9) To make sure its not all just some Krueger-induced fever dream (FvJ had a rather ambiguous ending).
8) In order to encourage Hollywood, and distributors to keep backing horror films. The last few years have been good to horror, but they've been dropping the ball on distro and marketing on some really interesting concepts (Repo, Inside, Midnight Meat Train, etc.)
7) You just can't beat a tried and true formula - stalk, kill, repeat. It's like evil shampooing.
6) Mrs. Voorhees, Jason's Burlap Sack, Jason's Hockey mask all together in one movie.
5) I was somewhat disappointed with the resurgence of Michael Myers (arguably my favorite slasher ever). Hopefully F13 makes up for it.
4) Blood, Guts, Tits, Ass, Jason. Duh!
3) I'm a friggin' horror dork.
2) In the vain hope that steadycam isn't used in every single motherfucking scene.
1) see #4.

Soundtrack (part 1)

What elements create and enrich the mix tape of life - exemplify the good, the bad, the neutral? How strongly are our lives tied to a sonic format? I'm truly amazed how a few bars or a catchy chorus associatively tethers me to my memories.

Here I'd like to delve deeper into the notes that bind my life; to find resurgences of details, lost thoughts. This is a multiple-portion series - essentially the liner notes to the soundtrack of my life so far. Perhaps my journey might jostle some relevant slash mirrored experiences from your own life. Please enjoy with me (not necessarily in chronological order):
SIDE A - Miasma oblongata

AC/DC - Back in Black

This song is for anyone who ever had a close childhood friend; one that you wanted to keep to yourself. They may not have been your best friend. I had a best friend, but (and I don't know if this happens with girls as well as guys...) this friend was the friend I chose to spend most of my time with - and vice versa. We seemed to recognize the universe's entropic progression better than any of our other cohorts. He was also the friend that, in a minute fashion, planted the seeds of 'teenage rebellion' in my spongy young brain.

The song 'Back in Black' - and subsequent album - were in all reality, the first music I heard beyond my parent's music and the kid-friendly music my friend parent's allowed played. A touch less acceptable (I'm imagining my parent's dismayed gaze as 'You Shook Me All Night Long' rocked its roguish tendrils into my seven year old cranium. Of course at that point, sexual elements were well removed from my grasp.) But it was a rash departure from safe kiddie fare like Raffi or the oldies and classical my parents tended to cherish.

In a fashion, it was an early sampling of the bittersweet departure from childhood. These secrets were shared primarily between my friend and I, even though neither of us grasped entirely what the gist of those secrets were. We just sat on my kitchen floor with my minute boom box playing a tape that plugged us into new, forthcoming realities.

..and the streets will run technicolor with their grue (Street Trash)

They called me a lunatic. They said I was a fool, but I was there I tell ya. They said "look at the crazy old bum." Well, I might be a little eccentric, but I ain't crazy.

Y'see, these kids lived down in the junkyard that fat fuck ran. They had a sweet setup - a bit hard to believe how clever that setup was - but I guess them Gilligan's Island people did some crazy, ingenious shit too. These kids are real connivers, scamps. They eke out an existence by themselves cause their folks went crazy.

Older bro Fred, see he's a wildcat - fuckin' round with the local homeless; stealin', scammin', whatever floats his boat. But the younger kid Kevin, he ain't so good at it, so his older bro gets down on him. The little kid also hangs with this cute Asian chick (She got a crush on him, so I hear. Can't imagine how that works him bein' all filthy and whatnot) that's employed by the junkyard.

Across the fence though, is this wack-job Bronson - a real Vietnam headcase who runs the bum show. They let him push 'em around cause he's meaner than a cock-punched wolverine (he scared the shit outta me, lemme tell 'ya). He's got lieutenants like Wizzy; all nasty nutjob drunks. Don't blame 'em neither.

So this fat fuck Ed who runs the cheapie liquor store finds this crate of shit - Tenafly Viper - in his basement. Shit's gotta be 60 fuckin' years old. He sells it cheap. The real trouble starts when Fred pinches a bottle of it.

Turns out the shit's toxic (thought things got better with age, guess not cheap-jack liquor). Fred's bottle gets swiped by Paulie, one of Bronson's charges. He hides out on this old toilet, and from what I heard he just melts into this multicolored goo. Messed up shit!

From there, everything goes to shit. We got a he-man cop rovin' the streets, lookin' to put the squeeze on Bronson. Crazy mobsters and their drunken girlfriends runnin' around the place. Hell, some poor SOB even gets his John Hancock lopped off, and the nasty assholes play fuckin' keep away. Can you believe it!

I tell you, it may not be the most coherent shit I ever heard, but it sure is a crazy time. I wouldn't believed it if I ain't seen it with my own eyes. It's a gruesome spectacle, but one that I'll never forget. Swear to Holy Christ, if they ever made a movie about it, I'd probably watch it. Although I can't imagine it would make much sense, but I bet they'd get good special effects an' hopefully cast actors that don't suck at all.

I ain't yankin' your chain. It's all the Goddamn truth. I was there to see it. Not a bad little story, eh. Now, how about it bud, can you spare some change?

I inquire, I respond.

What was the most frustrating moment in your life (or embarrassing if you don’t mind divulging anonymously to strangers)?
Getting a DWI test across the street from the liquor store was pretty embarrassing (I was sober).

If you were a color, what color would you be? Why?
Navy blue or twilight - so I could blend in with the night when I stood by open water.

What has been the most influential object in your life?
My stereo.

What would be on the soundtrack to your life (5 songs with band)?
Concrete Jungle (The Specials). Tools of the Trade (Carcass). State of Fear (State of Fear). Seaweed (The Gits). Kinda Blue (Miles Davis).

How do you react to authority when cornered?
Begrudging respect or moderate annoyance is my typical response (depending on who said authority is).

If you had to die in a malevolent fashion (i.e.) murder, violent accident, natural disaster, etc.), how would you choose to go?
Nuked!

What movie have you seen the most often?
Ghostbusters.

Do you carry a defensive weapon (if yes, what is it?)?
I have a hammer in my car.

If you could have any useful device cybernetically implanted, what would it be and why?
I'd rather not be a cyborg.

Would you be a tornado chaser?
Unquestionably - hells yeah!

Do you have a nemesis (a nemesis being someone close to you, but in competition with you) and/or do you have an arch-fiend (being someone who hates and wants to fucking destroy you)?
I don't really have a nemesis, except life at times. My arch enemy is Marcus Nispel (for that awful Texas Chain Saw remake), although he may redeem himself with the Friday remake. Remains to be seen.

But it goes up to 11 [part 1].

From time to time, I dream up a smattering of questions that, while in all probability irrelevant to the world in which we live, still serve as an amusing distraction. If you (like me, obviously) have nothing better to do, feel free to take a few minutes out and indulge the questions. If you want more time to ponder, feel free to copy and paste the little fuckers. If your really bored, you can even send me the answers (in the form of a comment). Once again, anonymity, if desired, won't be a problem. I'll post my answers the following day as well

[Please answer as in depth, yet succinctly as possible.]

What was the most frustrating moment in your life (or embarrassing if you don’t mind divulging anonymously to strangers)?

If you were a color, what color would you be? Why?

What has been the most influential object in your life?

What would be on the soundtrack to your life (5 songs with band)?

How do you react to authority when cornered?

If you had to die in a malevolent fashion (i.e.) murder, violent accident, natural disaster, etc.), how would you choose to go?

What movie have you seen the most often?

Do you carry a defensive weapon (if yes, what is it?)?

If you could have any useful device cybernetically implanted, what would it be and why?

Would you be a tornado chaser?

Do you have a nemesis (a nemesis being someone close to you, but in competition with you) and/or do you have an arch-fiend (being someone who hates and wants to fucking destroy you)?