Missing You

It's been ten years and a thousand beers...no it's just been several months and I miss you already, cult of the absurd. As much as I enjoy running around the tumblr realm, you are my very first blog and you'll always be special, cult. Don't ever forget that. Someday, I'll have time for you, but until then, I'll just have to post random nonsense to remind you of how much you mean to me.

Dear Reader

I would like to apologize to the one or three people who drunkenly peruse this blog occasionally, and those who looking for hemorrhoid relief or S & M who stumble across it, because I will be very light with my posting for a while. I just started school again, full time (emphasis on full time) and won't be able to commit nearly as much time as I desire to the fine art of blogging.

Be this as it may, Cult of the Absurd will continue on a limited basis, as will my more regular and poorly edited posts on life in code. Bear with me. Once I'm out of school in a couple of years, I'll likely be bound to an uninspiring "real" job and have plenty of time to bitch and moan through rants and so forth.

Thank you patient reader, you make life worth the unknown miles ahead. See you, out there in the blogosphere (*haghkk* I just threw up in my mouth for using that word).

My favorite Cult of the Absurd referrals

(I know this is blogging de rigueur, but it’s fun!):

besthelpforhemorrhoidsnow.com

www.google.com/search?q=tied+up+cum+shots

www.bodybuildingrx.com/products.html

Favorite Key words:

the song digestion boogaloo (Just gotta say huh?)

tied up cum shots (back for its second round!)

cult rabbit head (what cult is this? Sign me up!)

kierkegaard existentialism (now this just makes me happy)

Hey blog perusers from everywhere – keep reading the posts, I’ll keep writing them.

If you’re looking for higher quantity postings, you might want to check out my tumblr account as well, as I post there almost daily (nothing against this blog, I simply try to keep its quantity and quality more consistant) at http://lifeencoded.tumblr.com/

See ya in the (no, I can’t say it…) blogosphere. (Blech!)

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These are some of my rejected entrants in the NYC Midnight micro-fiction contest (hope you enjoy the losers):


An old story: boy meets girl, boy sleeps with girl, boy never calls. Worlds divided by empty words.

The words were dark, making his heart wrench. He drove his fist into the other man, driven by rage.

As they they lay there, he said many things. But in the end, his words were as empty as his heart.

Words, ties which bind us to forever. Clouds floating in Machiavellian glee. New concepts absorbed.

Born of sentences. Stung by words. Eviscerated by paragraphs. Reformed by phrases. Vaguely dubious.

As she walked home, the stars exploded with words. She couldn't believe she'd met a pleasant person.

Birthday (Fiction in 55)

The sun beat down as I marched up the hill. It was my girlfriend's birthday and I'd just been in a car accident. Her flowers were wilting, her card was smudged, but at least the bottle of wine wasn't broken, much like my spirit. I've never wanted to be home so much in my life.

Which best describes you? (like a non-job interview)

Several times a day...

1. I follow the leader.

2. I contemplate the existence of Jebus.

3. I fall down laughing from Existential Irony.

4. I attempt to decipher (on my own) the Rosetta Stone.

5. I meet with my superiors to determine the best way to assassinate world leaders.

6. I watch television.

7. I end my long career in journalism.

8. I await orgasm with baited breath.

9. I watch my neighbor's murder through the back window of my apartment.

10. I supplement my CCG collection on Ebay.

11. I find substance where there is none.

What qualifies as an unusual day?

1. A man (my second customer of the day) refuses to pay eighty-nine cents more than his assumption of an original, post-tax purchase of plastic, display flowers, and argues with me, a co-worker and a manager in Spanish for five minutes.

2. The night before, I have trouble sleeping on account of strange dreams involving sinister shadow-shapes trying to abduct Nicole and I. That and work until close (one am) and have to be at work at ten am the next morning. I've always had trouble calming down when I work late. I don't know why.

3. When the couple in front of her don't have enough food stamps to pay for their order, they walk off, never to return (this is not abnormal). After waiting for a considerable amount of time, enough to clear out and return their order - and upon finding her Chicken Salad sans any price or UPC code - she is still remarkably cordial.

4. A man, upon finding out he was accidentally charged for the next customer's soda, rather than making a stink or requesting a refund, simply gives the other fellow the soda.

5. I find out that my college transcript, which was supposed to be sent to a prospective college a month ago, is being held, pending my summer semester grades. Problem being: I'm not taking any summer courses.

6. I hit my elbow against a basket and rather than the old tingling, funny-bone action as per usual, an odd pain leaps up my arm, causing me to get really fucking dizzy.

7. Its not bad enough I'm running around pushing baskets in the blacktop at 103 degrees Fahrenheit, but on top of that, a bunch of cranky, just after nine-to-fivers keep nearly running me over in their quest for the perfect parking spot.

All things considered, yesterday was a fucked up day.