The sun beat down as I marched up the hill. It was my girlfriend's birthday and I'd just been in a car accident. Her flowers were wilting, her card was smudged, but at least the bottle of wine wasn't broken, much like my spirit. I've never wanted to be home so much in my life.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Which best describes you? (like a non-job interview)
Several times a day...
1. I follow the leader.
2. I contemplate the existence of Jebus.
3. I fall down laughing from Existential Irony.
4. I attempt to decipher (on my own) the Rosetta Stone.
5. I meet with my superiors to determine the best way to assassinate world leaders.
6. I watch television.
7. I end my long career in journalism.
8. I await orgasm with baited breath.
9. I watch my neighbor's murder through the back window of my apartment.
10. I supplement my CCG collection on Ebay.
11. I find substance where there is none.
1. I follow the leader.
2. I contemplate the existence of Jebus.
3. I fall down laughing from Existential Irony.
4. I attempt to decipher (on my own) the Rosetta Stone.
5. I meet with my superiors to determine the best way to assassinate world leaders.
6. I watch television.
7. I end my long career in journalism.
8. I await orgasm with baited breath.
9. I watch my neighbor's murder through the back window of my apartment.
10. I supplement my CCG collection on Ebay.
11. I find substance where there is none.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
What qualifies as an unusual day?
1. A man (my second customer of the day) refuses to pay eighty-nine cents more than his assumption of an original, post-tax purchase of plastic, display flowers, and argues with me, a co-worker and a manager in Spanish for five minutes.
2. The night before, I have trouble sleeping on account of strange dreams involving sinister shadow-shapes trying to abduct Nicole and I. That and work until close (one am) and have to be at work at ten am the next morning. I've always had trouble calming down when I work late. I don't know why.
3. When the couple in front of her don't have enough food stamps to pay for their order, they walk off, never to return (this is not abnormal). After waiting for a considerable amount of time, enough to clear out and return their order - and upon finding her Chicken Salad sans any price or UPC code - she is still remarkably cordial.
4. A man, upon finding out he was accidentally charged for the next customer's soda, rather than making a stink or requesting a refund, simply gives the other fellow the soda.
5. I find out that my college transcript, which was supposed to be sent to a prospective college a month ago, is being held, pending my summer semester grades. Problem being: I'm not taking any summer courses.
6. I hit my elbow against a basket and rather than the old tingling, funny-bone action as per usual, an odd pain leaps up my arm, causing me to get really fucking dizzy.
7. Its not bad enough I'm running around pushing baskets in the blacktop at 103 degrees Fahrenheit, but on top of that, a bunch of cranky, just after nine-to-fivers keep nearly running me over in their quest for the perfect parking spot.
All things considered, yesterday was a fucked up day.
2. The night before, I have trouble sleeping on account of strange dreams involving sinister shadow-shapes trying to abduct Nicole and I. That and work until close (one am) and have to be at work at ten am the next morning. I've always had trouble calming down when I work late. I don't know why.
3. When the couple in front of her don't have enough food stamps to pay for their order, they walk off, never to return (this is not abnormal). After waiting for a considerable amount of time, enough to clear out and return their order - and upon finding her Chicken Salad sans any price or UPC code - she is still remarkably cordial.
4. A man, upon finding out he was accidentally charged for the next customer's soda, rather than making a stink or requesting a refund, simply gives the other fellow the soda.
5. I find out that my college transcript, which was supposed to be sent to a prospective college a month ago, is being held, pending my summer semester grades. Problem being: I'm not taking any summer courses.
6. I hit my elbow against a basket and rather than the old tingling, funny-bone action as per usual, an odd pain leaps up my arm, causing me to get really fucking dizzy.
7. Its not bad enough I'm running around pushing baskets in the blacktop at 103 degrees Fahrenheit, but on top of that, a bunch of cranky, just after nine-to-fivers keep nearly running me over in their quest for the perfect parking spot.
All things considered, yesterday was a fucked up day.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
First Impression (Fiction in 55 or less)
I saw him coming out of a barber shop, walking down 15th Street. He stared at me an unhealthy length of time, his gaze leering and inappropriate. I readied my "see anything you like," comment as he gawked interminably at me. As he got closer, I realized he was blind. I felt like an utter fool.
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